


5, 300 years (or a moment) later

by abandoned_quiche



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Community: fandomweekly, F/F, references to past Rose/Pearl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 03:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7785469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abandoned_quiche/pseuds/abandoned_quiche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl and Bismuth recall past events. What Pearl worries she might forget, Bismuth doesn't want to remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5, 300 years (or a moment) later

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just entertain the notion that they let Bismuth out of her bubble after a while.
> 
> Fandomweekly #004: Last To Know

It was surprisingly hard, Pearl found, to get Bismuth by herself. This was understandable; after a somewhat shaky start, they'd reached some sort of balance. Thousands of years of grief, punctuated by that sudden spot of hope - _you're alive. You're here_.

 _If you survived, then maybe there are others who_ \-- (Pearl barely let herself think it.)

The relief was paramount. To Pearl and to Garnet, a piece of that irreplaceable past. To Steven and Amethyst, a bridge to that past. There was so much to talk about, interspersed between training and _hanging out_ and _just being_ and _being alive_ , _together_. The temple seemed so noisy, sometimes. Pearl didn't dislike it, but took her time to make her move. Late at night, outside of the temple, up near the lighthouse. They sat in silence before Pearl broke the ice, seeing no reason to delay her reason for meeting.

"... To you, it's like it was yesterday... right? The last time you saw her."

It was a sore subject, and Pearl knew it; Bismuth's expression changed quite visibly. "'Course it is. You even know how weird that is? I get burst out of a bubble out here, and suddenly it's--... everything's different. It's--... well. You know how different it is. What am I even meant to think? It's like I've stepped into a totally different world." She picked up a stone from the ground and tossed it, with force, in the direction of the cliff. "It _is_ a totally different world."

The more days passed, the more Pearl worried that she might forget. Not everything - some things were indelibly marked within her memory. What about the everyday experience of being with Rose, though? Pearl was sure that there were thousands of days they'd spent together that she'd barely thought of at the time, because she hadn't known to think that they could ever be different. And it was selfish, she knew that. Seeing the look on Bismuth's face, she _knew_ that. For all that Bismuth saw things as being different, Pearl knew there were some things that never changed.

"Tell me some things you remember, Bismuth." (The lengthy pause after her statement gave rise to that irrational fear of _forgetting_ once more. She turned to look up at Bismuth, who seemed quite intent on not looking at her in return.) "You do... remember, don't you? All that time we spent together." She laughed, but self-deprecating. "I worry, sometimes. Maybe I'm the only one who remembers little things she did, certain things she said... but if you say them, then maybe it makes them true. Perhaps."

"... Pearl." (Bismuth _was_ looking at her, now.) "I can't forget what she did. You know what she did, just as much as I do, and maybe you can have fun remembering all these cute fun happy things, but I--... you said it yourself, right? It's like it was yesterday. And it hurts, and I'm angry, and what can I do about it!? Rose isn't here. Her gem might be, but what do I get out of shouting at a gem? Steven doesn't know. Steven doesn't remember." Bismuth sighed. "He's lucky."

"I'm sorry for what she did to you. I didn't know. None of us knew--!"

"I know, I know. You shouldn't be apologizing for her, Pearl. You don't owe her that."

"... I know."

"I wish I could be like, hey, yeah, let's remember all those good times. We had such good times! But I can't even think of her face without knowing that she was _lying_. Even when we were happy and laughing together, she _lied_. She--... she never even told you what happened to me--... I can't just sit back like that never happened. I wish I could, but I just can't."

Pearl sighed. "Things change so much on this planet. So quickly. And yet, there are things that feel like they're--... frozen in place."

"And what would those be?"

"It's like the part of you that can't forgive her drowns out everything else, isn't it?"

"You could say that."

Looking away from Bismuth, back towards the sea, Pearl hugged her knees to her chest. "We're not really all that different, are we?" She offered up a weak smile. "The side of her that I loved... that was everything. It was overwhelming! So much so that I was able to fool myself perfectly into thinking that it was mutual. ...But there were other sides, too. Sides that I could ignore, sides that I... couldn't. The more time passes, I wonder how big that part of her I loved really was - maybe only a fragment, overall. At the time, it seemed so much!... But maybe I barely knew her at all. Maybe she was happy for me to remain ignorant and besotted. Maybe--... maybe it doesn't matter, because she's gone, and what can I do about that?"

"Maybe we'll just end up thinkin' ourselves in circles."

Bismuth placed a hand on Pearl's shoulder, comforting her. Pearl put her hand over Bismuth's own; her touch felt heavy, and present, and _there_.

"... Bismuth. Could I be selfish twice?"

"You don't got to ask me for that. You do what you want, Pearl. That's you."

Pearl made a small noise of amusement. "Hm. Well, then." She leant against Bismuth's arm. "Fuse with me?"

A sly grin spread across Bismuth's face. "Oho, what's a little Pearl doing asking for something like that?"

Pulling away from Bismuth's hand, Pearl shifted to straddle Bismuth's lap, hands on her shoulders. "You said I could do what I wanted."

"I guess I did, huh." She ran a hand through Pearl's hair. "Yeah, I guess you haven't changed all that much, have you?"

If Steven had been awake, he might have been excited to know of the fusion taking place at the temple's peak. As it was, the flash of light went unnoticed - and who would suspect that, of the lighthouse area, during the night?

( _For now, this is just for us._ )


End file.
